Signs If Your Communication Has Broken Down:
Signs If Your Communication Has Broken Down:
Relationships take work and can be challenging at times. The key to a vibrant relationship and or marriage is good communication.
How do we create healthy communication anyway?
First off, we have to be honest with ourselves and our partners. I think it can be easy to get trapped into believing that if I bring something up that I might be struggling with or feeling, you might end up in a fight. Well, first of all, sharing your thoughts and feelings is a foundational component to a thriving relationship or marriage. If you don't feel safe expressing yourself, the relationship or marriage will probably crumble.
I know what it's like to keep silent out of fear that I would be ridiculed, shamed, and blamed by sharing an idea, concern, or feeling. I would avoid talking about important matters to me out of fear of being put down.
I realize now that if a relationship isn't nurtured daily, it is doomed to dwindle. I heard this saying when I was young, and it always stuck with me: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result."
How often have we all done that? I don't know about you, but I have more than I care to admit. When we start to understand that if we want our relationship and or marriage to change, we need to look at how we communicate. This doesn't mean that the relationship or marriage will magically change, but it will likely be better, not worse.
We have all heard of unconditional love, the type of love that has no bounds and is unchanging. Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. I believe most of us would love to have this in our relationships- being seen without judgment and criticism, without our partner trying to change or fix us.
More often than not, we do the exact opposite of unconditional love and good communication. Instead, our relationship suffers, resentments build, and the relationship or marriage gets worse opposed to better.
So how do we communicate and love someone without judgment?
Guess what?… We start by listening to them. We genuinely listen and then“mirror” or repeat what we heard them say. We want to avoid reacting immediately by disagreeing, judging, criticizing, or trying to fix someone.
How to Listen Without Judgment, Criticism, and Fixing:
Let's say your partner tells you that they are unhappy with something at home. An example could be the way the laundry was folded. What you don't want to do is react and flippantly say, "What's the problem?” Along with, ``If you don't like it do it yourself, "… This probably will not turn out in your favor. You don't want to try to talk them out of their opinion; this will lead to frustration for your partner and the likelihood of a fight. On the flip side, it is most likely they will feel aggravated by your remark, and resentments will build up as time goes on, which will create a wedge in the relationship and or marriage.
What are some ways to be effective in non-judgment communication?
For many of us, listening is not easy; we believe we are listening but are we hearing what the other person is saying without judging their point of view feelings and without trying to change their mind or fix anything? When having a conversation where you share your thoughts and feelings, try delivering it positively. More often than not, it will be positively received by your partner; remember that each interprets and perceives things through a different lens. When we are willing to consider others' feelings and viewpoints, it creates a safe space to be honest, and real with our partner. Active listening is a skill that takes practice, and it will help strengthen your relationship positively.
Here are some tools you can incorporate:
Be aware of your tone of voice and the volume and clarity in speaking to them.
Is your manner friendly yet confident?
Are you respectful of the other person's feelings and able to hear their thoughts and concerns with an open mind and heart?
Try to observe yourself for the next couple of weeks and see if you are listening to your partner or trying to fix them and changing their minds. Are you judging them? Instead, stop and truly listen and hear them without judgment. See if this creates a shift in how you interact with them and remember you can't change your partner. You can, however, change how you act and react towards them.